THOUGHTS ON SPRINGTIME

The earth in my garden is cold and damp and a beautiful dark brown in colour and poking through are the first hints of springtime.

The daffodils are blooming and they make my heart dance and sing.   I love to watch them dance in the wind.    I admire their strength - no matter how severe the winds they just bend and don't break - something we should all try to do.

When the storms of life beset us seek out the skill to bend with the wind and rise up and face again the day without breaking.

Enjoy your springtime and the daffodils and when the winds of challenge beset you - be strong and brave.

Love and hugs,

Linda 

I'M SO VERY GRATEFUL

I am so very grateful to be present to this very moment - a quiet winter afternoon, I am warm and I am safe.  I am able to walk, to hear, to love and to live.

I have coffee and a chocolate biscuit and if I listen carefully I can hear my soon to be new neighbours working in their house next door.  They are painting before they move in but if the chat we had this morning is any indication we are going to enjoy being neighbours and I am grateful for that.

There are times when all that I am and have overwhelms me and this is one of those moments and I needed to put the thoughts down.

I am grateful and enjoying every second of this precious gift.

Love and hugs,

Linda 

VALE SANDI ELIZABETH CRESSMAN

My thoughts today are winging to Canada and to the hearts of a man and his daughter who have just lost their wife and mother.

This lady was a force to be reckoned with, and although life was difficult she was always equal to the task.

Sandi received a pioneering liver transplant over 20 years ago and accepted the gift of life with both hands and lived her life to the full - an inspiration to all of the joy of being alive.    Sandi went on to give birth to a beautiful daughter post transplant and took part in the Transplant Games with enthusiasm and zeal.

Thank you for touching my life Sandi - my life is richer because you were a part of it.

SANDI ELIZABETH CRESSMAN

February 27 1958 ~ January 10 2013

An inspiration to all.

Love and hugs,

Linda 

SLEEPLESS IN ADELAIDE

I am not a good sleeper anywhere - at home or away from home.

I used to go to sleep very quickly but staying asleep was the problem but now I am having trouble dropping off to sleep.

I have been known to do the washing, clean the stove and cook in the hours between midnight and dawn.  

I would often be found sitting out of bed reading or going for a walk around the ward when I was in hospital and many a kind nurse has got me a cup of tea and spent time chatting.

I did have some lovely day time sleeps in hospital and when i first came home, but now I am back in the old routine of restless, sleepless nights.

I don't stay there tossing and turning - I try for a while and then I get up and find something to do.  

I am thankful for a warm and comfortable bed and often enjoy the anticipation of a good sleep which then does not materialize

I rarely set an alarm and when I do I usually am awake to turn it off before time.

Sleepless in Adelaide - that's me.

Love and hugs,

Linda

IF I COULD LIVE MY LIFE OVER

IF I HAD MY LIFE TO LIVE OVER

I'd dare to make more mistakes next time. 

 I'd relax, I would limber up.I would be sillier than I have been this trip.

I would take fewer things seriously.

I would take more chances.

I would climb more mountains and swim more rivers.

I would eat more ice cream and less beans.

I would perhaps have more actual troubles, 

But I'd have fewer imaginary ones.

You see, I'm one of those people who live 

Sensibly and sanely hour after hour, 

Day after day.

Oh, I've had my moments,

And if I had it to do over again, 

I'd have more of them.

In fact, I'd try to have nothing else.

Just moments, one after another,

Instead of living so many years ahead of each day.

I've been one of those people who never goes anywhere 

Without a thermometer, a hot water bottle, a raincoat

And a parachute.

If I had to do it again, I would travel lighter than I have.

If I had my life to live over,

I would start barefoot earlier in the spring

And stay that way later in the fall.

I would go to more dances.

I would ride more merry-go-rounds.

I would pick more daisies.

Nadine Stair,

85 years old.

SOME DAYS ARE DIAMONDS

Some Days Are Diamonds

John Denver

When You asked how I've been here without you

I'd like to say I've been fine and I do.

But we both know the truth is hard to come by

And if I told the truth, that's not quite true

Some days are diamonds some days are stones

Sometimes the hard times won't leave me alone

Sometimes a cold wind blows a chill in my bones

Some days are diamonds some days are stones.

Now the face that I see in my mirror

More and more is a stranger to me

More and more I can see there's a danger

In becoming what I never thought I'd be

Some days are diamonds some days are stones

Sometimes the hard times won't leave me alone

Sometimes a cold wind blows a chill in my bones

Some days are diamonds some days are stones.

Some days are diamonds some days are stones

Sometimes the hard times won't leave me alone

Sometimes a cold wind blows a chill in my bones

Some days are diamonds some days are stones. 

HOW LUCKY AM I ?

At the hospital waiting to come home.

How lucky am I - I have a broken hand !!

But it is my left hand (my non dominant hand) and it gets me out of doing lots of things, takes me three times as long to type (one handed is very slow)  and means I am chauffeur driven wherever I need to go.

Yes it is painful, yes it is awkward (amazing how skillful one becomes when fastening a bra or pulling up undies.)  And yes I don't enjoy having to ask for help - but there is always something to be thankful for.

This will heal and it could have been so much worse - so indeed 

~~~~ 

HOW LUCKY AM I !!!!

BLOSSOMS, BOOKSHELVES AND BLOOD TESTS

My head is buzzing, I can't sit still and my stomach is churning.

The day has dawned with sunshine and blue sky - it is cool but it s beautiful - there are blossoms on trees and spring has sprung (not officially but I don't think Mother Nature operates by a calendar),

I have been sorting through books and bookshelves and that always brings me pleasure - to retouch books I have read long ago and to recall the pleasure they brought.  I love the touch, the feel of paper and the smell of books (which is probably why I have so many around me),

We are taking our daughter to the airport as she flies out for a business trip to Sydney and it will be nice to spend a little time with her - she has a busy life.

All of these lovely things happening and yet why is my stomach in a knot - it's the blood test.   Blood was taken on Tuesday and the results emailed to Flinders and I know if there was a problem they would have rung me by now - my head knows that but my heart doesn't.

I am well - then why do I get so jittery ? - I guess that it part of my nature and part of the uncertainty of life post transplant and at 86 weeks out one would think I would be more settled about things.  But I am not - my appointment this afternoon at 4.00.p.m. will reveal all so I am trying to find peace and calm in the joys around me.  To see the little things that inspire me and encourage me and to calmly let the day evolve.

I am fiercely independent (my daughter prefers the word stubborn) and waiting is something I don't do very well.)  This is all part of a learning process for me and so I am watching a butterfly flit  around my garden from plant to plant and thinking how fragile life is for all of us and how blessed I am to have each new day with family and friends.


Lesson for me to learn here is to keep the faith and to trust and to be present to each moment of my life.


Love and hugs,
Linda 

THINKING AND WE ALL KNOW HOW DANGEROUS THAT CAN BE.

What do I see when I look in the mirror - how do I feel about what I see?

These are my intimate thoughts and expressions of how I feel and think about things and looking in the mirror at times is not what I would want it to be.

Physically - I am different - my long dark hair is gone and in it's place is short "coloured" hair and that are wrinkles and lines on my face and neck, which map out the journey I have taken in my life and the hurdles I have crossed.

The reflection I see, is what I hope the world sees ~~~~~

someone with laughter in her eyes and a kind smile.

Life has changed me a great deal and change can be good. I am still passionate about so many things and still do not tolerate injustice at all well, but I have learned not to stress and fret over the things I cannot alter.  I have learned to concentrate my efforts into the things that I  can alter and accept those things I cannot.

Acceptance, when it comes is rather beautiful, it is just a quiet resignation to learning to live within the constraints now put upon me.  Neither liking or disliking them - just accepting them.

I have learned if I want to sit in my dressing gown for the morning, writing letters and listening to Rod Stewart - then that's okay.  The world will not go into a holding pattern if I am not showered and dressed by seven in the morning.  If I choose to go to bed before dark and get up during the night and do things - then that's okay too.

Acceptance is what it is all about and when I look in the mirror I accept the image that looks back at me and I think I am okay.

Love and hugs,

Linda.

CHEESE DREAMS AND LIPSTICK

It is amazing how memory can be stirred - I have just had a toasted cheese sandwich which tasted exactly like the ones my Grandmother used to make for me and used to call "Cheese Dreams"

In an instant I was transported back to her house and her kitchen with the special stool just for me and I could see her very clearly hair all neatly pinned back and apron on.

She loved me with a passion and spoiled me - nothing was too good for me and yet she cared enough to let me know if I had crossed the line and she would gently pull me back.

I recall playing in a tiny drawer in her dresser that was just for her "make up" not that there was much in there, but there were lipsticks and I used to have so much fun putting them on. 

Always when I buy a new lipstick I think of her and wish I could take her shopping and buy her new lipsticks.   Whenever I apply lipstick I always smell it first - it reminds me of the wonderful lady I was blessed to have as my "Nanny".

Love and hugs,

Linda. 

YESTERDAY'S MEMORIES

Yesterday's memories are often sweet and kind and yet there are the other sort which bring pain and hurt and sometimes regret to our lives.

Today has been a grey day with heavy cloud cover and I rather think that this affects my mood too.   Today is the 9th. anniversary of the death of a friend and it is with sadness that I recall that day.

It is sad in many ways but it was the morning of that day that brought paid to us when our beloved dog Louie had to go to sleep and leave an empty space.

I was the one who had to make the phone call and let her know about Louie and that is when she just fell to the ground and I never heard her voice again.

Talking with a friend earlier today we remembered some of the very funny things she said and did and although there is a sadness there is also a sweet release.

I tried my best to help her though dark and dismal days and have no regrets apart from the space that is left behind.

Linda. 

RAINY SATURDAY LUNCH

The Food was good and staff very pleasant but most of all it was pleasant just to sit and talk about anything at all, to discuss and debate issues without the distractions of things we should attend to.

It has me thinking why we don't do it more often - why we wait to have a reason to go out - we should just do it for the pure joy of living and that we are able to.  A promise to myself to suggest it more often and to go ahead and arrange things.

It was very cold and rainy but both of us could remember being there before although neither can remember when - it was a delight to watch people walking, meeting for lunch and just being out and about.   We drove along the seafront for a while and then went to our daughter's to see the renovations and have a cup of tea.

A most pleasant time but I am a tired girl and going off to bed.

Love and hugs,

Linda. 

TUESDAY AFTERNOON TRANSCENDING TIME

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wZWvh0aEs8w&feature=autoplay&list=AVGxdCwVVULXe2ESvLLiD1vuXCxaE-mOIL&index=44&playnext=44

Peter, Paul and Mary - There is a Ship

I have spent a quiet afternoon writing and listening to some music and a fair selection of music by Peter, Paul and Mary and recall that we had the record shown above and played it until it was almost worn out.

This afternoon the years have drifted away and I am 19 once more and singing these songs and I need no reminding of the words - they all occupy a part of my brain  - stored on the hard drive of my "necktop" computer.

The songs vary from protest songs, folk songs, some cute and funny for children and love songs - and I know them all and I still enjoy them all and there are those that bring me to tears as they did in my youth.  So the passion for peace and freedom still rules my heart and my head.

I have enjoyed the journey back over the years, I have enjoyed 

transcending time and the music still holds it's charm for me.

My skin was clearer, my hair much longer, I was thinner and didn't wear glasses but apart from that I am still the girl I was at 19 and in the words of one of their songs:

Music speaks louder than words
It's the only thing that the whole world listens to.
Music speaks louder than words,
When you sing, people understand.

Sometimes the love that you feel inside
Gets lost between your heart and your mind
And the words don't really say the things you wanted them to.
But then you feel in some one's song
What you'd been trying to say all along
And somehow with the magic of music the message comes through.

The longer I live the more I find that people seldom take the time
To really get to know a stranger and make him a friend.
But the power of a simple song can make everybody feel they belong.
Maybe singin' and playin' can bring us together again.
Singin' and playin' can bring us together again.

Don't waste a precious moment of the time you have and indulge yourself and go back and listen to the music of your youth - see if it still holds the charm and casts it's spell over you.

Love and hugs,

Linda. 

OLD DOGS

Liefja -(small sweet beloved)

Indeed she was small for her breed and very sweet and was very loved -she was mine and loved me unconditionally.   The children used to take her for a walk and when she realized I was not holding the lead she would sit down and not go any further.   Many times they carried her home vowing never to take her again.

She was mine and was happy just to be with me - by my bed, by my desk or walking as long as it was the two of us she was happy - and I was too.

I didn't need a dog or even want one but this little lady attached herself to me the minute I saw her and I was smitten when she came across and sat on my knee on the floor.

I was enchanted and she was delightful.

We shared lots of times together and sad as it was I was the one who told the Vet to let her go when he phoned me to tell me there was nothing he could do for her.,

I accepted that position of trust and honoured her beautiful life and nature by letting her go.   I still have the memories and always will.

Love and hugs,

Linda.

PAPER WORK AND FORMS

I received in the mail forms and paperwork for my next ERCP at Flinders in September - I don't need to complete them until September and then take them in with me.   Have to find a safe place to keep them.

This got me to thinking about all the forms I have filled in and the paperwork on my behalf - I know that my file at Flinders is so heavy they have split it into three parts for ease of handling.

Imagine all the paper work and all the forms filled in daily for people - it must be huge and multiply that by every city in the world and I lose track.  

It must be difficult for those who become confused with official policy and forms and I just hope they have someone to help them.   

The questions asked on my forms are ones I have answered before but understand that things do change and for surgery to take place they have to have the most up to date information.

A nice black pen and a quiet half hour closer to the date will soon take care of these forms.

Love and hugs,

Linda. 

BUSYNESS IN BUSINESS

I didn't get out of bed this morning until nearly eight and I have been out of step with the world all day.  Can't find things and very slow to get going.  It got me to thinking about the "busyness in business" and how well I remember the lifestyle that now belongs to my daughters.  

I remember the early morning meetings (after walking the dogs at the Football oval at 5.00.a.m. - the long business hours, the tidying up afterwards and getting ready for the next day.   I remember coming home exhausted and falling into bed only to be woken by the Security Firm - the business alarm was going off would I meet them there?  

The rushed trips around the supermarket, the cooking dinner while the dishwasher and the washing machine sang merrily away.  It would all go to routine and then suddenly something would move - someone would sleep in, not be able to find a uniform. or wake sick and arrangements have to be made to cover the day and get a child to the Doctor.  I used to change my hat many times during the course of a single day.

As I now watch my own daughters and their "busyness in business" I somehow imagine they are walking in my shoes and I don't envy them their lifestyle at all.

I am content with my days - it didn't matter a scrap that I was late rising - it just irked me because I am in the routine of early rising and if it happens again tomorrow well then who will it affect - only me and I think I can cope with it all.

Love and hugs,

Linda.

FILLING UP MY DIARY

A phone call has put two new appointments in my diary for September - one for a pre-Admission clinic and the other for my next ERCP which I am not looking forward to.   I know it is only a very short stay, but I really don't like the anaesthesia  at all.  

It is a minor procedure and there are places that do this with local not general but I have been assured it is better for me to have the general.  So it is onward and upward and as my daughter would say "time to suck it up" and get on with it.

I love the staff, the environment and the care I am given but I think it is the lack of control that gets to me.

This is my soliloquy and these are my thoughts and this is how I feel.

Love and hugs,

Linda.

MOON MOON SHINY AND SILVER

Between trying to sleep and getting up to watch the Lunar Eclipse at four this morning - I did lots of thinking about the moon and the affect is has on our lives and conversation.

We encourage our little children to look at the Man in the Moon, We have story book moons with nightcaps on, superstitions about turning your money over when there is a new moon, and rings around the moon mean rain.

We talk about a blue moon, a silvery moon, a harvest moon and all of it relates to the pull it has on our lives.  The tides turn at the pull of the moon ans it really does have a place in mythology and magic.

Lots of rituals take place around the seasons of the moon.  Lots of people do their seed planting by the cycles of the moon.

There are hundreds of pages about the fascination of the moon, written by many people.

In my world I love the light it brings and the daily changes I see in my sky and I am fascinated to be followed my a moon shadow.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kGNxKnLmOH4

"I'm Being followed by a moon shadow."

Cat Stevens - Yoseph Islam

Love and hugs.

Linda

CROSSWORD PUZZLES

Part of me and who I am is all about words and crossword puzzles bring pleasure and hopefully keep my brain keen.

I have an Uncle who compiles Cryptic Crossword Puzzles for the London Times and my Father and I always used to do them so I guess it is in the "genes".

The challenge of working out the logic and thinking of the person who has written the grid often pleases and yet frustrates me.  I not only need to know what the answer is but I need to know the logic of working out how it came about.    Sometimes I don't agree with the definition or word play. the tense or even the grammar but at least it gets my brain thinking and puzzling.  The Dictionary is always out on the table and is a much loved item here. 

None of the number games such as Sudoku for me - I am a words girl through and through.

"Cruciverbalist" can refer to someone who designs or attempts to solve crossword puzzles.

Love and hugs,

Linda.

NOM DE PLUME

NAMES, NAMES, NAMES

I have always written under my own name and have sometimes questioned the wisdom of this and during another sleepless night I considered a "Nom de Plume" (Name of Pen or Pen Name) and all sorts of names went spinning through my head.  

Another flight of fancy I hear you say - well it whiled away a few hours and I am still considering the validity of establishing a pen name and starting to write under that name,  I can come up with about six that I like and going to give it some more thought before I make a decision.  

So if you see some writing coming up under a more exotic name - it will still be me and if you have any suggested names let me know. 

Thank you for sharing the solitude of this soliloquy.

Love and hugs,

Linda.